Warm up

I had decided to quit blogging long time ago but today my heart flutter and my hand when to the keyboard and started to dance on it. It's been super long since I last logged in to my blog and I hate my previous decision of deleting all those old post when my Ex asked me to. I super regret it okay.

This blog has been my personal space for me to express myself in words that i can never open up to anyone else. I had been super cheerful and outgoing but deep inside there are parts that i eager to express bu unable to. I had never open up completely to anyone in this whole wide world. Not even to family.

It's hard okay. I seriously don't know how to open up since I sealed up this fragile heart years ago. I first realized I sealed up my heart when my dad passed away. Although I had never been close to my dad but I somehow started to keep my feeling to myself. I never tell anyone how I eagerly wish that I spend more time knowing my dad when he's alive. I know so little about him. I only know that he loves fish and we always have this 'ikan terubok' cooked in my late-paternal-grandma ways. It no longer taste the same since my dad passed away in December 2013. I'm only 13yo back then. I remember mom cried for months. It breaks her heart because her loved-one died. We never took photo with my dad since forever. I remember having my dad bought me a camera all the way from Hong Kong, but I never used it with my dad. Dumb-ass right?

When I enter secondary school, I rebel like crazy. Now i felt sorry for mom. She really do endure a lot. I started having puppy love when I'm 14. 'Gatal' right???? Shall I skipped secondary school stories? Remember this heart is still sealed up. I finish school with shitty result-enrolled myself in college with government scholarship, again complete college with shitty-result.Yeah I broke up with my ex and again my heart got sealed up again and this time I think it got sealed up pretty tight. I got so super passive after that relationship. I'm even afraid of becoming a lesbian. But I'm straight.

I always blog when my mind started running around aimlessly, my heart flutter and when I need someone to talk to. Since it's hard for me to talk, I'll just write in words. Writing keeps my heart beat calm, keep my mind straight and I felt more on the ground when I write and think of what next to write.

I shall vow to myself that I shall blog more and if possible everyday even with a short entry.

Hugs and kisses..
Love Cherine.

 Aisyah came all the way from HTAR, Klang to visit us at HKL

She's getting married end of March. We will be attending. So yes we are travelling to Langkawi soon.

Can't wait.