Im totally malfunction, I almost cause medication error. I almost give IV lasix to patient with BP low. I almost endanger life of patient under my care. I was so disturbed that I had stare at my phone for like 30mins. My mind when blank.
I'm not sure how i really feel. Part of me that were happy for him. At least he is in good hand and i know he is happy now. Part of me was devastated. I know that we will not have any outcome since we break up. But there were part of me hoping that we will be back together again. But i guess miracle didnt happen to me.
Today when i woke up around 11am, i stare blankly at the ceiling. Feeling im such a pethatic lousy girl. I almost feel like killing myself. I cant stay home as im alone. I went out, planning to go sogo to buy some goods. I dont know why i take the monorail when im suppose to take the lrt. I only realised that im on the wrong train after like 6 station. I seriously dont know what is happening in my mind.
Back from sogo. I cooked and feed myself or should i say i stuff myself with food.
Now im in bed. Unable to sleep. I cried twice today. I felt sick. Im so messy. My brain is so disorientated. Im so disorientated. I wanted to go out and scream. I wanted to cry out loud but i cant. Now when i cry there are just few drop of tears. I felt so heavy in my chest. I dont know how long more i will have this kind of feeling. I wanted to wash my brain and take a rest from him.
I want to forget him. I feel so lousy of myself. Its been so long since we break up and why should i still have feeling for him. Im so abnormal.
I cant go on. Im sorry
